Rules O' Dating AGAIN

OK! So i posted this eons ago but still it is awesome beyond compare so i am posting it once AGAIN! lol...

Rules of Dating a Marine's Daughter

Rule One:If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open-minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:I'm sure you've been told that in today's world sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate. When it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies that feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over the Iraqi desert ... the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Rules of Dating a Marine's Son Rule One:Be agreeable and cook him a nice hot meal whenever possible. (Prerequisite: Learn to cook)

Pride and Prejudice

GAHH!! I've been reading Pride and Prejudice since i LOVED the movie, no not the new one but he BBC version with...COLIN FIRTH! That yummy man beastie! Anywho, its awesome, its actually taking me a wee bit longer than my other books merely because i'm lazy and haven't really been reading anything and also because the words Jane Austin uses are absloutely beautiful! Her style of writing IS like none other! She is rockin'! lol its true though really it is.

SO OTHER THINGS I THINK ARE IMPORTANT BUT REALLY AREN"T!

Youth group last night was really good. Great job Lucinda for a good lesson and also great job worship team it was really great last night.

Believe me or not but i'm actually going to prom this year, being my senior year and it being prom i felt the stresses of tradtion wiegh upon me and decided to obey them...just this once. I've already picked out a dress its purty. Its very PRIDE AND PREJUDICE looking, lol, yeah i'm on a kick. But i am pleased with my selection, since i feared looking at dress after dress and never finding anything except dress that only a dead rat could look good in. But only after minutes of surfing the great big web i found it at David's Bridal.

Look you learned something today! I don't know what it is but you learned it you smarty you!

-Kat

A silly little quiz thingy lol!

Four Jobs I've had...
vol at the Carol Mansion doing inventory work
The Tune Shop
Aiding at the Library at School, ya'll might not see it as a job but i do.
Baby Sitting ALL DAY!! ugh that was horrible.

Four Movies I Can Watch Over and Over...
Emporer's New Groove
Robin Hood Men in Tights
Company Of Wolves
Nightmare Before Christmas

Four TV Shows I Love to Watch...
CSI
Teen Titans
Ghost Whisper
Medium

Four Places I've Been on Vacation...
Texas
Amazon
Georgia
The Florida Keys

Four Favorite Dishes...
Steak w/ Baked potatoe
Sushi
My Dad's fried rice
um...Food?

Four Websites I Visit (somewhat) daily...
www.blogger.com
www.deviantart.com
www.goldenwolfen.com
and my email of course

Four Places I'd Rather Be...
Texas
Ireland
Bahamas
Scotland

Four Blogs I'd Like to See do This Quiz...
Angie
Eric
Bob
Kim

Want a New Post?

It ain't right in my world at the moment.

Car license plates re-arrange in front of my eyes to display "who dares wins". Vengeful demons inhabit bumpers and pay me lip service, calling me names. I ignore them and they reshape themselves into humanoid figures and step away from the car to engage me in incoherent fisticuffs before being knocked out of existence by private investigators shaped like dogs, who fight amongst themselves in a private telepathic war of attrition. I am told to ignore what I have seen, and go about my day, but I can't. Oh, I can't.

Horrible things are happening, and I have no one to tell. I try to explain the devil's details that singe my cortex and they tell me that my insomnia is making me hallucinate. The slumber that has forsaken me only opened my eyes to the true torment that hides behind our world! And no one will listen...

Anti-abortionists are crucified in front of crowded orphanages by jeering legions of re-animated fetuses, all wearing crowns of mangled coat hangers. I've seen it, damn you. Seen it with these two eyes of mine, the eyes infected with icebergs, great hunks of ice that scream curses as they launch themselves like cruise missiles at hapless cruise liners. The cruise liners re-attack by arranging themselves in the secret names of cosmic beings long since lost to the awesome entropic energies that can kill even the most resilient of gods, calling upon the death juice of horrendous things beyond all comprehension. Multitudes of innocent passengers and criminal warlords are lost in these cataclysmic and unyielding struggles between ice and metal, and I am forced to behold all of the desecrations. Arsonists done up on angel dust stand outside churches, chanting esoteric grindcore lyrics in a vain attempt to light matches through the pure power of grind. I watch this while bewildering battles between sandworms and tapeworms escalate in my intestinal tract as proselytizing enzymes convert my digestive juices over to Catholicism. Slow churches build themselves into my bloodstream, evangelizing my organs and starting holy wars with my epidermis. My tongue carries on a singular jihad against unicorns while my forehead's stigmata drips whiskey so potent when I pass by winos they serenely seizure from benedictions of booze.

Toy stores sell carnivorous teddy bear assassins originally created by alcoholic alchemists to attack belligerent Nazi sorcerers. Now trapped in fur and armed with powers stolen from delusional armored ghosts who died in the first Crusades. It all seemed perfectly reasonable at the time, but now these creatures are unleashed upon innocent children and no one knows. Mangled bodies of young children are found in alleyways with ornate silver swastikas impounded into their foreheads and unspeakable warnings carved into them, blood trickling widely around the words, unwilling to come into contact with such profanations. The coroners who read these warnings die of brain cancer within weeks.

If I didn't know any better, I would tell you how all the art galleries in this city aren't full of people, they're full of slowly moving flesh sculptures that pretend to be uncultured bastards, when touched threaten to ship off morally ambiguous living helicopters to war-torn African countries. But I do know better, and I know none of you have seen the horrors and that inhabit this misbegotten midwestern liberal hellhole. The occult and surreal haunts me and poison my every step, burning my footprints into the sidewalk and leaving black and white photographs fluttering upward from each flicker of dancing lurid flame. The people seen in these pictures have all died from growing supernumerary bones through vital organs. I feel my own bones grinding against each other and wonder constantly what fate awaits me.

Hello, my name is Grace, and this is what I have to deal with sometimes.

- the infamous

Chicken and Stars

To show my sweet devotion to Campell's Chicken and Stars soup i shall come up with a glorious and perfect poem off the top of my head.

I love Chicken and Stars.
Chicken and Stars I love.
The noodle shaped stars so soft and moist,
and covered with the chickeny flavor of love.

THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT!
-kat

LiFE

Ok so here i am updating. Yay for me.

So lately i haven't been able to sleep so i find my self staying up till like 3 in the morning and then of course i have to wake up around 7:30ish to go to school. It isn't cool.

yesterday we rearranged our living room. It looks pretty cool. My mum watches a lot of Home and Garden tv.

AHHH!!! I've got something in my eye and it stings real bad. My eye is getting all water and stuff ew!!!

Moving on.

Been feeling really rather distant lately. Distant from God, from my family and from myself. i don't know why and i can't explain how but i do. I just don't feel intouch anymore. Then again i've never really connected well with the world around me. But i find myself wandering around my house aimlessly and feeling like there is supposed to be a purpose but i don't know what it is. Also have been feeling a bit low. Been sick and that always drags me down but also spirtiually low, been kinda snippy and stuff with people. I just don't want to deal with people lately. I find myself holed up in my room just staring at the ceiling and i think why? Why, am i here when i'm not doing anything? But i just stay there until one of my parents yells for me to come and do a chore or eat or something. i dunno i'm just kinda draggin' i guess.

Whatever.

This has been a beautiful life changing message brought to you by The Glorious and Perfect Kathleen